


The War With Grandpa: The Gritty Marvel Reboot

by laughingalonewithducks



Category: My Brother My Brother and Me (Podcast), The War With Grandpa
Genre: Gen, a pleasant romp through judeo-christian mythology, skipping school to fight god before your mum comes home and finds out you killed grandpa, thank travis for travis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26596903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughingalonewithducks/pseuds/laughingalonewithducks
Summary: "Here's what I think happens: all that prank stuff, everything we see in the trailer - that's the first five minutes. And then the grandfather gets bit by a snake and dies. And the boy is so sad that he goes to heaven to fight the angels to save- to bring back his grandfather's soul. And maybe there's a fallen angel trying to get his wings back? It's a whole thi- fuck, I'm excited for this movie, you guys!"- Travis McElroy (Famous Last Words)In retrospect, perhaps the snake had been a bad idea.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	The War With Grandpa: The Gritty Marvel Reboot

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't seen grandpa wars

In his defense, he hadn’t _known_ the snake was venomous. It had been placid when he picked it up - on the brink of hibernation, probably - and it had been so tightly coiled that he’d just assumed it was a brown snake.

Unfortunately, he’d missed the rattle.

And so had his grandfather, apparently, considering he had at no point during the night woken up to find the snake in his bed. Not even when it warmed up enough to realise what was going on, bit the strange animal trying to smother it, and, presumably, pissed off into a crawlspace in search of somewhere less inclined to squash it.

Peter wondered, vaguely, if he should make a fuss. They always did that in the movies - shaking the body, shouting at it to wake up, that sort of thing. 

But his grandfather wasn’t breathing, and Peter was old enough to know what _that_ meant, if not old enough to know what to _do_ about it. He couldn’t tell his parents - he’d get in trouble, and to Peter’s preteen mind, capital-T Trouble was the worst thing on Earth.

...Perhaps he could hide the body?

He reached for the covers, thinking vaguely that he should do- _something_ to the body, which would hopefully disappear at some point, when he heard noises downstairs; the clatter of bowls, the jingle of keys, and the low murmur of conversation that meant his parents were awake.

Peter hesitated, and then made for the door, throwing one last confused look over his shoulder as he went.

His grandfather’s corpse stared sightlessly back at him, as corpses were wont to do.

* * *

“Ah, Peter, you’re up,” said his mum, catching sight of him in the hallway, pale and vaguely confused. “Is your grandpa awake?”

“Er,” said Peter. “No. He’s… asleep.”

“Having a lie-in, eh?” his mum said, and clicked her tongue in mock-disapproval. “I see. Well, let him sleep, you’ll see him when you get home.”

“Uh-huh,” Peter said. “He’s very… asleep, yes.”

His mum gave him an odd look, but then his dad whirled through on his way to the car, and she forgot about it in favour of a squabble over the good travel mug.

Peter trudged back up the stairs to his room, and went through his daily routine, oddly detached except for the growing conviction that he had to do _something_ about the corpse cooling in his old room, because if his parents ever found out then he was probably never going to see his old minecraft server again -

-which was why, when he was dropped off at school, he waited until his mum had driven out of sight before doubling back towards his house.

It wasn’t a particularly long walk, and the key was thankfully still under the doormat, but by the time he got back to his old room, it had started to smell a little… off. Rancid, even. 

The blankets probably hadn’t helped.

Peter covered his nose with a sleeve, tugged the covers off his dead grandpa - cautiously, in case the snake had come back for another go - and then nearly wet himself in fright, because Jerry was there. 

He was just… _there,_ standing over his friend’s corpse as if he’d always been there, despite the fact that Peter was _very_ sure he had been alone in the house up until a few seconds ago.

“Um,” said Peter. “Um, he’s, he’s, he’s sleeping, he’s really tired, maybe you should let him sleep- how did you get _in_ here? Did you ring the doorbell? I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Well, no, but that isn’t the issue,” said Jerry. “This wasn’t supposed to happen now.”

“Did you break in?” Peter gasped. “You broke into our house! I’m calling the police! I’ll tell them what you did!”

“Okay, but you killed a man,” said Jerry, glancing out the window nervously. “I feel like that’s worse. I mean, on a scale of one to ten, ‘murdering your grandpa’ _definitely_ trumps ‘breaking and entering’.”

“What- no I didn’t,” Peter said, unconvincingly. “He’s sleeping. I told you.”

Jerry poked Ed’s cheek. Rigor mortis had set in, and instead of yielding, the body sort of… shifted across the sheets in one solid piece. 

“He’s dead, Peter.”

Peter gasped, and clapped his hands to his mouth like a delicate Victorian noble confronted with a bare ankle. 

“He’s _dead?”_ he cried. “Oh, I had no idea! Grandpa! Grandpa, _why!"_

“Are you done?” Jerry said impatiently, as Peter buried his face in his hands and wailed with as much overblown grief as he could manage. “Are you finished? Is that it?”

“He was so healthy!” Peter wailed. “How could this have _happened-_ ”

“-You put a snake in his bed and killed him,” Jerry interrupted. 

Peter shut his mouth.

“...what do I do?” he asked, after a moment of guilty silence.

Jerry seemed to perk up.

“Well,” he said. “We’re going to get him back!”

Peter considered this, considered his _very_ dead grandfather, and then said, with all of the gravitas of his approximately eleven years of life experience: “You’re insane.”


End file.
